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Best Zombie Apocalypse Boat

author
Elaine Sutton
• Friday, 23 October, 2020
• 11 min read

One that uses a hybrid drivetrain to save fuel, and boost horsepower output. If an object is determined to be a threat, the windows will automatically roll up, the door locks will activate, and footage from the rearview camera appears on the infotainment display.

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Contents

It's ready to fight, and its open pickup bed and removable roof panels make for excellent sharpshooter perches from which to fend off bands of groaning zombies. With the nation’s finest armaments left abandoned by the now-overrun military and useless to the undead, it wouldn’t be hard to utilize the Gladiator’s 1190-pound payload and stick a .50-caliber rotating machine gun in the bed.

Event: Cthulhu Awakens Strategy: Swim quickly, and carefully back to safety. Legends tell of an enormous octopus with big armored scales and tentacles strong enough to lift cruise ships.

Whatever sleeping medication Cthulhu takes, it's working, because the beast hasn't revealed itself in over 15,000 million years. The 43-hp ATV wears giant 63-inch tires that can climb logs, rocks, ice, snow, but most impressively, travel on water at 3.7 mph.

Okay, that's not very quick, considering your typical fishing boat has a top speed of 11 mph, but the Sharp doesn't stop when it hits the shore. Assuming Cthulhu can't fit a pair of Heals at the end of its bus-size tentacles, getting onto shore to escape seems like a good plan.

Shown here in government guise, the Suburban HD is the smart survivalist’s one-up on the swaths of doomsday planners clamoring for a bickered squad car. No uniformed police or military will dare second-guess you when you glide through checkpoints with a one-handed confident wave.

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Bonus effort: Talk three of your friends into snapping up armored Suburbans of their own to create a convincing convoy. The hardcore, off-road-ready TRY Pro version ensures you won't have a pang of unease over the Tacoma's capability, either.

What the Nomad does have is a supercharged Honda K24 engine pumping out 300 horsepower, BF Goodrich Mud Terrain tires, an adjustable heavy-duty suspension, and a feathery 1750-pound weight. Picture this: You live in a dense downtown area and learn warheads are inbound.

Thanks to Post Blast Protective Technology, the windows don't completely shatter and remain firmly in place. If the local forecast calls for cloudy with a chance of bullets, the several layers of protection offered in this X5 will keep you from drowning in lead.

Windows, door gaps, and even an optional reinforced roof to prevent drone attacks are all part of this shelter on wheels. Run-flat tires and extra guarding around the gas tank are both in place to keep things moving.

There is no better way to save the women and children from some horrific dystopian reality that enslaves and reassigns them than with a new four-door Union Crew Cab from Mercedes-Benz's “Defense” line. You can build these rigs aimed at military service pretty much any way you want, but in this scenario we'd suggest upgrading to the armored troop carrier.

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With eight forward and six reverse gears, the ability to ford water up to 50 inches deep, and portal axles for insane ground clearance, the Union isn't likely to encounter a situation that stumps it, apocalypse or not. Event: Civil Unrest Strategy: Head for the woods and hole up.

Tensions are rising, the riots are happening a lot more often, the mail hasn’t been coming, and the power has been iffy at best. You can feel it in your bones: It’s only a matter of days before the entire country goes Tango Uniform.

Take the family on a fun over landing trip today, and be super-prepared for an uncertain tomorrow. If you are anything like us, you wisely opted for the 170-inch “Amp” Sprinter dualize model, with 200 watts of solar array up top, a queen-size bed, shower, rainwater collection, and induction cook top.

With factory all-wheel drive, a suspension lift kit, and some serious off-road rubber, you and your family are headed for the hills to sit this one out for as long as it takes for those riots to die down in the city. Put the kibosh on civil disobedience, and you could be running a town or grease ball militia before you know it, and stability and protection is powerful social currency in post-apocalyptic times.

So, why not pacify the masses on your way to your new station by using the 250-psi water cannons mounted atop Inks' very aptly named Riot Control Vehicle will pretty much tone down any anxious crowd you could imagine. If the hordes get too fifty, don't worry: The Riot Control Vehicle can withstand multiple high-velocity rounds as well as shrapnel from explosions.

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Unlike some other vehicles on this list, it isn't going to beat the odds and carry you to a post-human earthly existence. No, it's here for those keen on measuring out their remaining days one drink at a time in comfort and style.

You can scarcely hear the screaming and decaying hordes around you as you sip on the Verve from 1841 that you’ve been saving for just this day. It's not difficult to imagine a scenario in which the same geniuses who brought you the mortgage crisis, credit crisis, and a few stock market collapses could botch the entire financial system, sending us all back to the Stone Age overnight.

Equip your boat or ship with solar panels, or a small windmill on a mast, and you’ve got yourself a power source! Now add a few good water filtration devices, perhaps a combo of a few life straws and a more permanent on board solution.

Some more luxurious boats come with these devices pre-installed, or you can implement them yourself to meet zombie apocalypse standards. Where car manufacturers are being fucked over by emission laws and design hipsters, the ship and boat industry is not that bad.

Every part of a boat will be used efficiently and if there’s any gap left, it will be used to build a compartment where you can store supplies. Couches double as beds, there are hidden compartments everywhere and no space is left unused or pointless on a boat.

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These give you several advantages: They’re relatively affordable, you don’t need a license (here at least), they have all the comforts (kitchen area, place to sleep) and most important! Mark my words, in case of a zombie apocalypse, everyone will get on any boat they can and make a run for it.

Especially the kind that can poke holes in other boats and shoot over long distances. To increase the chances of your land raids succeeding, have a small inflatable boat with pedals to get to shore.

Have one or two people go ashore unnoticed with the rubber boat, stay in radio contact at all times. Boats and ships can make a great escape vessel in case of any emergency.

Most important however is that you train your crew before SHF and for ALL supplies to be packed and ready at all times. Learning how to fish and cook in the wild are now fun and a vacation activity, while still teaching valuable lessons in case of an emergency.

German Federal Archives Designed and built by NSU, the Kettenkrad HK 101 is a cross between a tank and a motorcycle. In spite of its contentious history, the Kettenkrad remains a versatile runabout useful for penetrating through deep forests that cars and trucks can’t venture into.

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Sooner or later you’ll need to venture off the beaten path, whether it’s to find food or to escape a hoard of starving zombies. Designed for Baa racing, the Raptor is well-suited to blasting through the desert at high speeds thanks to a beefed-up suspension and a twin-turbocharged V6 rated at 450 horsepower.

You’ll score bonus points if you find one of Hennessy’s six-wheeled Raptors, but those are much rarer than the standard truck. Based on the proven G-Class, the G650 offers 621 earth-rattling horses and enough ground clearance to power through the planet’s most unforgiving terrain.

A distinct blend of dexterity, durability, and comfort, the EV2 is one of the fastest dual-tracked vehicles ever made, with more than 600 diesel-fueled horsepower pushing the menacing crusher forward. With its zombie -squishing treads and 12 inches of suspension travel, the Ripsaw has the ability to weave through obstacles over almost any terrain, but it also boasts the power and grit to smash right through them if needed.

Inside the thick armored walls lies a surprisingly pleasant interior as well, as the EV2 equips leather seats, a touchscreen, and attractive LED lighting. In a post- zombie world, the roads will be filled with rolling coffins, the rusted relics of a civilization long dead.

It features permanent four-wheel drive, can travel at highway speeds on land, goes 30mph on water, seats six, and can transform into amphibious mode with the simple push of a button. On the other, you’ve got heated marble floors, two flat-screen televisions, a Bose sound system, a shower, and just about everything else you could want in a rolling home.

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It has room for 10 soldiers, can withstand a blast from 30 pounds of TNT, boasts a range of 430 miles, and offers a 14.5-mm heavy machine gun as optional equipment. The open-sourced two-door looks mean, has a meaner Corvette engine, equips a Ford truck rear end, and boasts the ground clearance to mow through groups of walkers without worry.

With this slurry of American-built components, you should be able to find tons of spare parts to fix it when it inevitably breaks down. Parts availability might not be sexy, but tell that to the snarky Land Rover owner when he’s being torn apart by walkers.

If you were brave enough to sit through Transformers: Age of Extinction, you saw the Rally Fighter being used by a fictional black ops unit of the CIA. Powered by the supercharged 707 horsepower V8 from the Dodge Challenger Hellcat, the Trail cat features a widened Wrangler chassis, 39.5-inch BF Goodrich Trawler tires, rugged Fox shocks, and Dana 60 axles front and rear.

According to Dart, the armored vehicle also equips retinal and fingerprint scanners, psycho-physiological condition recognition, and cameras to eliminate blind spots. Put it all together and the Black Shark is just as capable repelling zombies as it is chasing off those pesky bandits.

All the driver has to do is shift into neutral, pull a knob to engage the jet, and press a button to raise the wheels. When it’s all said and done, you have a vehicle that can escape a walker’s grasp over a variety of surfaces, which should go a long way toward keeping you on this side of the afterlife… provided zombies can’t swim.

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Despite its Wrangler-esque appearance, the Panther is actually built from a unique ceremony chassis and fiberglass hull, one filled with 32 cubic feet of Coast Guard-approved styrofoam. This teardrop-shaped vehicle, sprung from a collaboration between the Eindhoven University of Technology and Dutch company NXP Semiconductors, is completely solar-powered.

Thankfully, there’s a car called the Immortal that has infinite range and never has to refuel, provided the sun is still shining. Manufactured by Australian startup EX, the solar-powered Immortal wears 75 square-feet of solar panels on its roof that funnel energy to the battery packs inside.

The carbon-fiber laden vehicle can travel indefinitely so long as it doesn’t top 40 mph, which is comfortably above the walking speed of most zombies. Highlights include under body magnetic bomb detection, an external smoke screen, night vision cameras, electrostatic window tinting, run flat tires, and armor strong enough to stop anything short of a .50 caliber round.

The KV is also highly accommodating, with heated, quilted leather seats and a passel of infotainment features. UNICAN is known for building incredible all-terrain vehicles, but while most of these rigs allow professionals to trek off the beaten path, they also double as apocalypse -beaters.

Its thick body, rigid structure, and ample storage make the Terra Cross 52 a rolling safe zone for two to four passengers. The Resistant Ambush Protected Vehicle (M-ATV) is America’s latest defense rig, replacing the now-dated Humvee M114.

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While the M-ATV was designed to transport U.S. troops safely around Afghanistan, it can also weather the worst of apocalyptic scenarios. The most impressive features include an armored V-shaped hull (great for deflecting mines), off-road capability, run-flat rubber (the M-ATV can drive for 30 miles with two blown tires), and a roof turret that can accommodate machines guns, grenade launchers, and anti-tank missiles.

It’s tough for a zombie to penetrate a tank, and even harder for it to attack you on the open seas, but it’s darn near impossible for it to take flight. The compact car-plane can drive on any paved roads and doesn’t need an airport to take to the skies.

With a range of 500 miles and a cruising speed of 200 mph, the TF-X can’t stay in the air forever, but it won’t struggle to put some distance between you and the undead.

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Sources
1 www.food.com - https://www.food.com/recipe/the-wahlbergs-macaroni-salad-447387
2 1075kissfm.iheart.com - https://1075kissfm.iheart.com/featured/taylor-j/content/2020-09-21-wahlburgers-macaroni-salad-recipe/
3 www.foodandwine.com - https://www.foodandwine.com/pasta-noodles/wahlbergs-macaroni-salad
4 www.grubstreet.com - https://www.grubstreet.com/2010/12/mark_wahlberg_nobody_makes_pas.html
5 www.aetv.com - https://www.aetv.com/shows/wahlburgers/exclusives/wahlberg-family-favorite-recipes