Best Sherlock Monologues

Bob Roberts
• Friday, 22 January, 2021
• 9 min read

Inspector Lestrade: In another life, Mr. Holmes, you would have made an excellent criminal. Sherlock Holmes: There's only one case that intrigues me at present.

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The curious case of Mrs. Hudson, the absentee landlady. Blackwood: I warned you Holmes, to accept that this was beyond your control, beyond what your rational mind can comprehend.

Inspector Lestrade: In another life, Mr. Holmes, you would have made an excellent criminal. Dr. Watson: 4 feet tall, no front teeth, and a beard.

Dr. Watson: But what I do take issue with is you trying to sabotage my relationship with Mary! Sherlock Holmes: Don Giovanni is showing at the theater.

I could easily procure two tickets if you were interested in taking someone. Sherlock Holmes: Don Giovanni is playing at the theater.

Sherlock Holmes: There was never any magic, only conjuring tricks. The simplest involved paying people off, like the prison guard who pretended to be possessed outside your cell.

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Others required more elaborate preparations, like the sandstone slap that covered your tomb. You had it broken before the burial and put together using a mild adhesive.

Arranging for your father to drag in his own bathtub required more modern science. Very clever of Riordan to find a paralytic that was activated by the combination of copper and water, and was therefore undetectable once the bathtub water was drained.

It put up quite a challenge for me, had he not also tested it in some unfortunate amphibians. The death of Standish was a real mystery, until you used the same compound to blow up the war.

Did Standish mistake it for rain as he entered the temple? Like all great performers, you saved your piece-de-resistráNCE for the end.

A chemical weapon, distilled from cyanide and refined in the bellies of swine. Had it worked, your followers in Parliament would have watched unharmed as their colleagues were dying around them.

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Instead, they would have believed it was magic and that you had harnessed the ultimate power. And the world would have followed, fear being the most powerful weapon of all.

Employ elbow block and body shot. In summary, ears ringing, jaw fractured, three ribs cracked, four broken, diaphragm hemorrhaging.

Sherlock Holmes: This is a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can't tell if a man's dead or not...

Inspector Lestrade: In another life, you'd have made an excellent criminal Inspector Lestrade: In another life, you'd have made an excellent criminal.

Sherlock Holmes: If the rest of his family's dead, how long do you expect to survive? Sherlock Holmes: Madam, I need you to remain calm and trust me, I'm a professional.

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Beneath this pillow lies the key to my release. Dr. John H. Watson: I never complain, when do I complain about you practicing the violin at three in the morning, or your mess, your general lack of hygiene, or the fact that you steal my clothes.

Sherlock Holmes: You have the grand gift of silence, Watson; it makes you quite invaluable as a companion. Sherlock Holmes: You have the grand gift of silence, Watson, it makes you quite invaluable as a companion.

Sherlock Holmes: Head cocked to the left, partial deafness in ear: first point of attack. Two: throat; paralyze vocal cords, stop scream.

Summary prognosis: unconscious in ninety seconds, martial efficacy quarter of an hour at best. Quotes will be submitted for approval by the RT staff.

CharacterQuoteEnter quote here...×Add another line to this dialog... Wonder Woman 1984 The wily detective and his faithful friend, Dr John Watson, have pounded the pavements of pop-culture for over a century, and their popularity shows no signs of slowing down.

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The intricately plotted tales and compelling characters have captured the hearts of millions of readers and viewers, but it's the quick wit and amazing quotes of Sherlock & Watson that have proved to be the main draw. When they aren’t hailing hansom carriages and ending evil plots, Holmes and Watson can be found having snippy and meditative conversations.

“...when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth...” Indeed, these kinds of exchanges have continued throughout their many incarnations. John’s stubborn insistence that Sherlock’s opinion didn’t sway him (it clearly did) results in some teasing from Mary (Amanda Abingdon), who can’t help but make fun of him.

Though Lestrade (Rupert Graves) is one of Sherlock’s closest companions, when a little girl screams at the mere sight of the famous sleuth, he can’t let an opportunity for ribaldry pass him by. Indeed, apart from extroverted super villains and shadowy organizations, there are several instances where dead characters are revealed to be still alive.

Certainly, the featured quote says everything about the show’s main antagonist: his lack of inhibitions, through to his intelligence, his manipulating nature, his designs on positions of power, and of course his flamboyance, which contrasts with the very uptight Sherlock. One of Sherlock’s greatest talents is that he is able to notice the things that no one else can, and rather fittingly, #StephenMoffat and Mark Gates’s deft writing mimics its protagonist’s proficiency.

And it’s a great instance of Anderson-bashing: a hilarious hobby of Holmes’s which sadly diminished as the series progressed. “The Lying Detective” mulls heavily on the themes of grief and death, but these words encapsulate everything about the importance and preciousness of life.

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Here Sherlock reminds us to consider that, if we’re feeling down and contemplating ending it all, there’s always something or someone worth living for, as well as someone or something who’ll suffer if you go through with it. Though Sherlock quickly discards his shock blanket soon after he evades Lestrade’s questions, he does have an attachment to quilts of all kinds.

A few episodes after this one we find him in Buckingham Palace wearing an only a bedsheet, and Sherlock is also seen taking refuge in his covers following his drugging at the hands of Irene Adler (Lara Puller). It becomes very clear throughout Sherlock that the shadowy Mycroft is essentially a nastier version of the titular detective.

Lazier, shadier, though no less dramatic, Mycroft lets a series of icy threats fly against Sherlock’s fans in a particularly mean yet bad-ass moment nonetheless. Once you've opened your heart, you can't close it again.” Culvert on Smith (Toby Jones) may only get one episode to shine, but he leaves a potent and lasting impression as a sadistic and repulsive individual who uses his power and influence to go on a killing spree.

But it’s his sickening logic, and his insight into human interactions which make him a villain formidable enough to verbally spar with our favorite detective. It may be a quote that doesn’t necessarily scream that it’s from this particular series, but it’s from a rather lovely, overlooked moment in the show.

Two years after faking his death, Sherlock returns to London and unveils himself to John, and in this case, Lestrade. It’s a perfect delivery from Rupert Graves, and a fitting reaction for this fan-favorite character, showcasing his annoyance and his happiness at his friend’s wily rug pull.

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Mrs Hudson is another beloved character, who is a surprisingly kick-ass mother figure to the Baker Street Boys. Hoping to discuss John’s upcoming nuptials, Mrs Hudson tries to offer some friendly advice.

So, like Lestrade, when odd moments like this crop up, John is ready to fire back at his firm -yet highly irritating- friend. The brilliance of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle writing is that, for all of Sherlock Holmes’s superhuman qualities, he is painted as a flawed and very human character.

Here, Sherlock acknowledges that his icy demeanor doesn’t conform to our ideas of heroism, but ultimately he sells himself short. If it truly has run its course, as lots of fans are now presuming, then the world of television will be poorer without this show's its slick and sizeable portions of sass and stimulating conversations.

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